The LILI Letter — December 2025

December,

Already?? Life simply goes by too fast for my comprehension. As a child waiting for Christmas, the days dragged on and on. Fast forward to adulthood, and Christmas is over before you know it. We observe Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, the winter solstice and Christmas this month. Quite a lot to celebrate. Remember to breathe.

In good health,
Jennifer James

Success story

Being aware of emotions and honoring them is key to our mental and physical health. Is anger a good thing? YES. Why? It tells us when we are being mistreated, when a boundary was crossed, or when we don’t have control over something (or someone). Should we act on our anger? Yes. In a healthy way. Tara Brach, a meditation and mindfulness expert recommends the following, using the RAIN acronym.

• “R” stands for recognize. We recognize we are angry.
• “A” stands for allow. We allow ourselves to feel angry.
• “I” stands for investigate. We investigate why we feel angry, without judgment.
• “N” stands for nurture. We find a way to nurture ourselves, such as speaking to ourselves with compassion.

Dr. Gabor Maté, a trauma specialist, has seen how chronic, repressed anger can lead to health issues, specifically autoimmune disorders.

Lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, multiple sclerosis and other conditions are autoimmune disorders where the body’s immune system attacks its healthy tissue. Women are diagnosed with 80% of the autoimmune disorders. What does that tell us? Chronic anger is a big red flag. Are we honoring our wants and needs? Are we setting boundaries? If we are a person who chronically squelches our anger to be nice and please others, we need to rethink this behavior. It does not bode well for our future health and well-being.

RAIN: A Practice of Radical Compassion

Self-Silencing Is Making Women Sick

Do you really know…mandarin oranges?

The Mother of All Citrus. Mandarin oranges are the ancestral species for many citrus fruits, including grapefruits and lemons. An orange is a cross between a pomelo and a mandarin orange. Further hybridization produced lemons, limes, grapefruit and current Cuties and Halos. Who knew? The name refers to the color of the robes worn by officials in the ancient Chinese imperial court. High in vitamin C and fiber, they also contain vitamin A, lutein and zeaxanthin. The holiday recipe below uses them in a unique way.

Rethinking the holidays

Do you find yourself dreading (and possibly hating) this time of year? You are not alone. The demands placed on all of us with gift giving, baking, sending cards, spending time with family (the good, the bad and the ugly), going into debt, and usually overeating in response to it all, makes many of us want to go on a Caribbean cruise and skip the whole shebang. Maybe we could think of the holidays in a different way.

It starts with setting boundaries on our time and energy. No one, to my knowledge, has ever had a gun held to their head so they send out 200 Christmas cards. Have we ever been subpoenaed to give witness to how our neighbor’s yard is decorated for Christmas? Or our yard? Have we been charged with not being merry enough? See how ridiculous this is? If we are overwhelmed at Christmas, it is likely because WE DO IT TO OURSELVES. YES, it’s on us. My cousin entertained three relatives of her son’s in-laws last year for Christmas, for two weeks (and they brought their dogs). She is not a young person, and this was very hard on her. It took her son noticing how exhausted she was to realize this was not a good idea. Why didn’t she set a boundary? Knowing that having that many people invade her home for that length of time was not in anyone’s best interest? IDK. It won’t happen again she has assured me.

What would it take for us to truly enjoy this time of year? Then let’s do that. Figure out what carries the most meaning during this time of year and prioritize those things. Maybe skip gift giving, or just give a family gift, if gift-giving creates too much stress (and debt). Send an email instead of a card or send them out at Thanksgiving or after Christmas. Does the house need to be spotless when we entertain? Do we care if someone else’s home is spotless? Does everything have to be homemade, or can it be catered? Women did not work outside of the home so much back in the 1950’s and 60’s, so to expect all of us to do things like grandma did, is probably not realistic. Unless we want to book a post-Christmas stay in the psych ward pre-emptively. Delegate, say no to anything we resent doing, and lower our expectations for ourselves and others. It might be helpful to make a “Don’t Do” List instead of a “To Do” List.

If we can emerge from the holidays with compassion, happiness, calm and goodwill for all of humanity, then we have celebrated the holidays the right way. This season is about renewal, hope, the birth of a special baby, and all good things. Let’s not turn it into the “SORE Season,” the Season of Resentment and Exhaustion. Deal?

Easy meal ideas for the holidays

In between those fancy holiday dinners, we still need to eat. Most of us are not keen on gaining weight during this time, so here are a few easy dinner ideas to get us through December.

• Pick up a rotisserie chicken, box of instant brown rice, and a bag of “Steamers” vegetables. Cook the rice per package directions on the stove top. Microwave the vegetables per package directions. Add to the chicken along with a fruit cup and a glass of milk.
• Crockpot roast. Sear a 3-4 pound chuck roast on both sides in hot oil in a skillet. Add to the crockpot with a packet of Lipton soup mix, add prepped stew vegetables from the grocery store, and a cup of water. Cook on low for 8-10 hours.
• Sheet pan dinner. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Place a pound of chicken tenders, 10 ounces of frozen green beans and half a bag of Little Potatoes cut in half in three rows on a large baking sheet. Drizzle with your choice of oil, sprinkle with Italian seasoning or other seasoning mixture. Roast for 20-30 minutes, until a cooking thermometer reads 165 degrees in the chicken.
• Salmon dinner. Place a 1-pound salmon fillet on a baking rack. Brush with oil, add salt and pepper, or other seasonings. Broil on high for 10 minutes, or until opaque. In the meantime, bring a 1-3/4 cup of water or broth to a boil in a saucepan, add 1 cup of quinoa, return to a boil, turn down to a simmer and cover. Simmer for 15 minutes. Add a salad kit to the meal and a banana.
• Chili in a hurry. Brown a pound of lean ground turkey in a Dutch oven or soup pot with a diced onion. Add two cans of drained beans, your choice, such as black beans and kidney beans. Add two 14.5-ounce cans of diced tomatoes with chilis, 8 ounces of tomato sauce, 1 cup of water, 2 Tbsp. chili powder, 1 Tbsp. cumin, and ½ Tbsp. oregano. Bring to a boil, lower heat and simmer for 20 minutes. Serve with shredded cheese, crackers and vegetable sticks. Add orange wedges for dessert.

Eating out ideas that are healthier than the usual fast food:

• Zupa’s: Nourish bowl
• Chipotle: bowl with black beans, brown rice, grilled chicken, salsa and Romaine lettuce.
• Chick Fil-A: grilled chicken sandwich, kale crunch salad and fruit cup.
• Wendy’s: cup of chili with a side salad.

Check out Citrus Pear for home-delivered meals. Meals arrive frozen and are cooked in the oven, crockpot, stove top or pressure cooker.

Acceptance

I recently watched a podcast with Mel Robbins interviewing an oncologist from the Mayo Clinic, Dr. Dawn Mussalem. Dr. Mussalem survived stage 4 breast cancer in her 20’s and endured other tragedies. One of the take home messages from the podcast was, when asked the most important advice she had for cancer patients, was acceptance. Acceptance of a cancer diagnosis rather than fighting it. Mel Robbins is a top-notch interviewer and Dr. Mussalem had a treasure-trove of valuable information to share, along with her positive attitude and bubbly personality. It was 1.75 hours long, but worth watching. You can watch it here.

Along the same line, the movie, “The Sound of Metal,” is about a drummer who goes deaf. It follows his gradual acceptance of his new (and very unwelcome) deafness. I enjoyed watching this too.

I have thought a lot about these two scenarios, both difficult situations. Accepting our current life situation, especially if we don’t like it, is a challenge that can, ultimately, bring us peace. IF we do the strenuous work required to arrive at that place. One of the tasks the drummer was given was to write until he felt stillness within himself. Needless to say, there was a lot of writing going on!!

What are we currently resisting? That we have a new medical diagnosis that terrifies us? That to lose weight we need to make some changes and live a different way than we currently live? Accept there is nothing we can do to change another person? As the drummer did, we can write about it, until we can’t write anymore.

When we look back over our past, fully understanding and accepting what took place will put the past where it belongs (in the past).

Our current life situation may not be ideal either. Acceptance means facing the truth and the reality of things. It scrapes off the sugar-coating, we see life as it is. Grief and forgiveness are often part of the scenario, for what we think could have been (or should have been). If we are dumping a lot of energy into something with “no return on our investment,” it is better to accept the reality of the situation. When we cut ties to that and those who drain our energy, it magically returns to us. This has happened in my own life, and I can tell you, the difference is astounding. So much energy ricochets back!

My friends, life is tough for all of us, albeit in different ways. The sooner we accept our circumstances, the sooner we can get back to enjoying our finite and precious lives.

Mandarin orange cake

I have made this recipe for decades. I don’t remember where I found it. I usually bring it to our department white elephant holiday party. It is a hit. Beware, it doesn’t look like much when it comes out of the oven. With the glaze added, it is absolutely delicious. Not something to eat daily, but for the holidays, what the hey.

• 2 11.5 oz. cans of mandarin oranges*, drained
• 2 eggs
• 2 cups of sugar
• 2 cups of whole wheat pastry flour or enriched flour
• 1-1/2 tsp. baking soda
• ½ tsp. salt
• Whipped cream

1. Mix the dry ingredients together.

2. Using a low mixer setting, incorporate the mandarin oranges into the dry ingredients, beating for three minutes.

3. Pour into a greased and floured 9 x 13 pan and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.

4. In the meantime, melt 2 Tbsp. butter, ¾ cup brown sugar and 3 Tbsp. milk in a small saucepan to the point of boiling.

5. When you remove the cake from the oven, pour the hot glaze over the cake, spreading evenly with a spatula. Let cool.

*If you can’t find 11.5-ounce cans, use 2 15-ounce cans, drained, and only half of one can. Serve with whipped cream.

20 servings

1 piece of cake + 2 Tbsp. whipped cream = ~190 calories

December support groups

Mondays, 2-3 pm
ORMC Medical Plaza
Heart Center Conference Room
Free to all graduates of ORMC weight loss classes

Those who get angry when you set a boundary are the ones you need to set boundaries for.

— J.S. Wolfe